Copyright: Donna Noble

"Some flies are too awesome for the wall." ~ Abed Nadir

513,810 notes

Guy on train:
I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos.
Me:
*turns up music*
Guy:
I said I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos!
Me:
*takes off headphones* Leave. Me. Alone.
Guy:
Why the fuck do you have so many tattoos?
Me:
Guy:
Are you fucking deaf as well as a piece of trash?
Lady by door:
Hey. Leave her alone.
Guy:
Are you her trash girlfriend? Fucking dykes, all tattooed like fucking men. Disgusting waste of pussy.
Lady:
*moves forward, carefully moves jacket so only I can see the badge on her belt* Are you okay?
Me:
Fine. Just wish he'd go away.
Lady cop:
I can make that happen.
Guy:
Oh, yeah, bitch? Who the fuck are you? I'll kill you!
Lady cop:
And that's what I was waiting for. *grabs guy, holds him against the door* Harassing women on the train was enough, but you just threatened a cop. You're battin' a thousand tonight.
Entire train:
*applauds*

126,296 notes

east coasters:
i drove through 17 states on the way to work
west coasters:
i have been traveling in this desert for 49 years. generations have died. children have been born. when will i make it to the promised land
Midwesterners:
I haven't left a 20 mile radius in 2 years

113,155 notes

thesylverlining:

babebraham:

today at the bookstore i asked the lady working if she had any lgbtq books that i could check out and her eyes magnified in what i mistook as horror and i thought i had offended her and then she said “i have a bag of lesbian fiction in the basement i’ve been waiting for someone to finally ask” and she all but burst down the stairs to get them for me

bless

"I have a bag of lesbian fiction in the basement" is my new go-to pickup line

(via guyslikedarren)

21,016 notes

officialunitedstates:

my favorite part of any trip to mcdonalds is the sudden and unavoidable flashbacks to the time when I got stuck in the slide for 5.5 hours and the staff had to slide down mcnuggets so I could keep up my energy while they cut the slide in half with a hacksaw.  half-slide is still there, haunting me and the other kids who sudden fall through a hole halfway through their journey down

(via clockworktimelady)